"I knew only too well how easily the longing accepts false objects and through what dark ways the pursuit of them leads us. But I also saw that the Desire itself contains the corrective of all these errors. The only fatal error was to pretend you had passed from desire to fruition, when, in reality, you had found either nothing, or desire itself, or the satisfaction of some different desire. The dialectic of Desire, faithfully followed, would retrieve all mistakes, head you off from all false paths, and force you to live through...a sort of [experiential] proof." -C.S. Lewis, The Pilgrim's Regress
I look around this place, life, and I see people who have abandoned their heart alongside the road of their journey. They're stopped in their tracks by despair, loneliness, resignation. I understand them because I have been there many times, laying on the side of the road in the deepest parts of the ditch, not even wanting to survive through the night.
But I will not, refuse not, to let my desire die alongside that road any longer. Although I know that to have desire is to accept all the pain and sorrow it will throw at me in life, it also can provide truth and true happiness, and to that I cling to.
I see people around me clinging to gossip, lies, deceit. But two years ago I promised myself that I will live a life that is so honest and open, that people will wonder why. Why do I subject myself to love everyone I come in contact with, even if they hurt me in return? Because I want them to know the God that loved me through all the fists I shook at him.
"And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall,
We lean another ladder against the wrong wall...
And climb high
to shake fists at the sky.
Others have their excuses,
I have my reasons why."
-Nickel Creek, Reasons Why
That is why I listen first. That's why God made me with a big heart, it seems. To desire for others, and myself, to succeed in life...to see others grow closer to Him, to come alongside those who are hurting and walk this crappy life on earth until God brings us home. If only all of the people I walk with will hear me listening to them. But I cannot change their hearts, only God can, and that knowledge hurts more than a lost love, because I can do nothing but watch them struggle in that ditch and only wish that I were there in that ditch with them so that they may understand His love.
I only wish.
I look around this place, life, and I see people who have abandoned their heart alongside the road of their journey. They're stopped in their tracks by despair, loneliness, resignation. I understand them because I have been there many times, laying on the side of the road in the deepest parts of the ditch, not even wanting to survive through the night.
But I will not, refuse not, to let my desire die alongside that road any longer. Although I know that to have desire is to accept all the pain and sorrow it will throw at me in life, it also can provide truth and true happiness, and to that I cling to.
I see people around me clinging to gossip, lies, deceit. But two years ago I promised myself that I will live a life that is so honest and open, that people will wonder why. Why do I subject myself to love everyone I come in contact with, even if they hurt me in return? Because I want them to know the God that loved me through all the fists I shook at him.
"And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall,
We lean another ladder against the wrong wall...
And climb high
to shake fists at the sky.
Others have their excuses,
I have my reasons why."
-Nickel Creek, Reasons Why
That is why I listen first. That's why God made me with a big heart, it seems. To desire for others, and myself, to succeed in life...to see others grow closer to Him, to come alongside those who are hurting and walk this crappy life on earth until God brings us home. If only all of the people I walk with will hear me listening to them. But I cannot change their hearts, only God can, and that knowledge hurts more than a lost love, because I can do nothing but watch them struggle in that ditch and only wish that I were there in that ditch with them so that they may understand His love.
I only wish.
